ZnK's Fantabulistic AskandDare fic!
by ZenoNoKyuubi
Summary: Review and dare your favorite Naruto characters to do the most humiliating things you can think of! That, or you can just make them do mildly entertaining things... But humiliating sounds better!
1. Episode 1

"YO!" a man with black, slicked back hair and blood red eyes, wearing a black suit with a black dress shirt, said with a grin, sitting in a comfy chair in what seemed to be Jay Leno's studio. "I am Zeno, also called ZnK! You know, there's been so many Ask-and-Dare fics out there now, and I've wanted to do one myself."

His grin faded, and he looked down at the ground, sulking slightly.

"Since my radio show has gone to hell, it seems..."

The audience laughed at his misfortune, simply for the sake of laughing. With a sigh, Zeno looked up again, his grin back in place.

"Well, like I said, I've decided to do a Ask-and-Dare fic!"

The audience applauded.

"Living, or dead, enemy or ally, shinobi or not, it matters not, for I will call upon those who are requested to come, whether they like it or not!" Zeno exclaimed, standing up and pumping his fist into the air, getting a roar of approval from the crowd.

"Now, this will be a short chapter, since we haven't gotten any requests yet! Therefore, we will end here, saying good night, and please review and send in your dares."

With that, Zeno reached in under his desk and took out a pump action shotgun, aiming it at the camera.

"Please."

Then, he looked towards the audience.

"You're still here?! Away with you!" he exclaimed, firing a shot into the ceiling. The audience bolted right away.


	2. Episode 2

"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen!" Zeno exclaimed, grinning widely. "Boy, do we have plenty of fine dares here tonight!" he said, rubbing his hands with glee. Then, he picked up a piece of paper on his desk. "Our first dare is from Aikuchi Shikaku. Now, for this, we need to welcome some guests. Please give a warm welcome to Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Hinata, Hatake Kakashi, Jiraiya, and our most beautiful Hokage, Tsunade!"

The audience broke into wild roars of approval as the six Konoha ninjas entered the studio, and Kevin, in the band, happily played his guitar.

The ninjas waved, Jiraiya sporting a black eye, and walked over to Zeno's desk, sitting down in the chair and the two couches that had been placed next to it, with Naruto sitting in the chair.

"Can I go now?" Kevin asked once he'd stopped playing. Zeno glared at him and took out his shotgun from under his desk.

"Only if you'd like to go home without legs." he said menacingly, and Kevin covered in his seat, fiddling with his guitar. Putting away the shotgun, Zeno turned to the ninjas. "Welcome, guys, it's good to have you here."

"It's great to be here!" Naruto exclaimed, grinning widely.

"Great to see that you're so enthusiastic." Zeno said as he help up the paper. "It's time to read... the Dare!"

Kevin and the band played a short tune, and the crowd applauded. Zeno cleared his throat and put on a pair of reading glasses.

"Aikuchi Shikaku writes:

OOH! Dares!

I dare Sasuke to wear a non-uchiha shirt

I dare Sasuke to go to a hairstylist and change his duck-ass hairdo

I dare Sasuke to go for a day without mentioning killing his brother in his sentences, his speech patterns, and dreams.

I dare Naruto to ask Sakura anything other than to ask her out

I dare Sakura to ask Naruto out.

I dare Naruto to ask Hinata for a date.

I dare Kakashi to read the icha icha aloud when he's with his students.

I dare Jiraiya to squeeze Tsunade's boobs while she's giving out mission reports." he read out loud, before looking up at the cameras. "Well, we'd already read the dare, so we sent Sasuke out for a makeover! Please, come on in, Uchiha Sasuke!"

Kevin and the band started playing, and the crowd leaned forward, anxious to see Sasuke's makeover.

Nothing happened.

"Um..." Zeno muttered, before reaching into his jacket. "Hold on." he said and took out a cell phone. He dialed a number, and waited. "Yeah, Genma! Where's Sasuke? What do you mean, 'he doesn't wanna?' That's what the tazer's for! Alright, bring him in."

Soon enough, a slightly dazed looking Sasuke was pushed into the studio, dressed in a bright orange suit with orange shoes and a green shirt. His hair was... gone... He was completely bald. The crowd broke into wild laughter, while Sakura looked horrified.

"Sasuke-kun!" she exclaimed, tempted to rush over to his aid.

"Now, Sasuke..." Zeno said, grinning. "You're wearing a non-Uchiha shirt, and you've been to a hairstylist. Unfortunately, she couldn't do anything about that mess you called hair, and shaved it all off. Now, around this time yesterday, we ordered you not to mention killing your brother in your sentences, speech pattern, or your dreams. You have two hours remaining on that. How's that working out for you?"

Sasuke twitched.

"Oh, I see, I see." Zeno said as he nodded, before turning to Naruto. "Now, Naruto. You have to asked Sakura something, other than for her to go on a date with you."

Naruto nodded, and was about to speak, when Zeno stopped him.

"However, this dare was a little vague, so we decided to spice it up a bit. You have to ask her... something extremely personal."

The crowd let out a synchronized "Oooooh..."

Naruto sniffed, before turning to Sakura, sweating slightly. He cleared his throat.

"Um, Sakura?" he asked, taking a deep breath. "Can I... Can I see if pink is your natural hair color?"

Everyone froze, staring at Naruto. Sakura looked horrified, before shrieking and punching him in the face, giving him a black eye to match Jiraiya's.

"Alright, next dare, Sakura." Zeno said, snickering slightly at the question. "Ask Naruto for a date."

Naruto looked hopeful, while Sakura crossed her arms.

"Never! Never, ever, ever!"

Zeno narrowed his eyes at her.

"There will be consequences if you don't."

"I don't care! I'm not going out with him!" Sakura said, glaring at Naruto, who sulked.

Zeno sighed.

"Fine, then." he said and pushed a button on his desk. A mechanical claw came down from the ceiling, grabbing onto Sakura's head and lifting her into the air as a giant cannon rose from the floor. The mechanical claw moved over to the cannon and dropped her into it. A silver and blue armored man stood next to the cannon, holding a lever.

"Jango, fire when ready." Zeno said, and the man nodded, before pulling the lever.

The cannon boomed, and with a shriek, Sakura was shot through the roof. The audience roared and applauded, while the cannon and a bowing Jango were lowered through the floor.

"And that's it! No more Sakura for us!" Zeno exclaimed happily, before turning to Naruto. "Alright, Naruto, ask Hinata for a date."

Naruto cleared his throat, before turning to Hinata, who'd taken Sakura's spot on the couch.

"Um... Hinata?"

"Y-Yes, Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked, turning red.

"I was wondering i-if you'd like to get some ramen with me later..." Naruto said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"I-I'd liked that... very much..." Hinata said, fiddling with her fingers. The crowd let out a synchronized "Awww..."

Zeno clicked his tongue.

"Cute... It's so sickly sweet, you're gonna attract bees..."

The wall was suddenly broken down, and a giant, 15 foot tall bee burst in, grinning like a maniac.

"Sugar!! Give me sugar!"

"Sorry, Mr. B, it's just a sickly sweet couple." Zeno said, making the bee pout.

"Aw... I came all this way for nothing?" he asked, his wings slouching as he looked down at Hinata and Naruto. "You two make me sick!"

And with that, Mr. B left. Zeno stared at the hole in that wall, before turning to the crowd.

"Mr. B, ladies and gentlemen!"

The audience started applauding, while Kevin and the band started playing.

"Next dare, Kakashi, read Icha Icha Paradise out loud to your students."

"NO!" Naruto and Sasuke exclaimed in unison, looking horrified.

"He can't read a book properly!" Naruto exclaimed, shivering.

"He..." Sasuke mumbled, looking sick. "He makes his own sound effects... He imitates the voices of the girls..."

Kakashi smiled at Zeno.

"I've already read it to them once!"

Zeno stared at Kakashi, before turning to Jiraiya.

"I see you've already done your dare, Jiraiya-sama."

"He did..." Tsunade muttered, getting a grunt from Jiraiya.

"How was it?" Zeno asked, and Jiraiya grinned.

"It was... It was worth it!"

This earned him another black eye from Tsunade.

Zeno cleared his throat as he picked up another letter on his desk.

"Alright, next letter... from LostCatfish... He writes:

Since I am the first, I suggest a fanfic about Minato in underware XD."

"That's underwear, Zeno." Kevin said, getting a glare from Zeno.

"Shut up! I know how it's spelled, that's just what the letter says! It must be a typo, or something... Well, I'm sorry, LostCatfish, but you weren't the first. Aikuchi Shikaku beat you by two minutes, sorry. However, I don't understand what you mean by 'a fanfic of Minato, but I do understand that you wanna see Minato, the Yondaime Hokage, for those who doesn't know, in his underwear..." Zeno said, nodding to himself. "So it was wished, so it shall be!" he exclaimed and snapped his fingers. With a poof of smoke, Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime Hokage, appeared in front of the desk, dressed in only a pair of white boxers with little hearts on them. "The Yondaime Hokage, ladies and gentlemen!"

The audience applauded, while Minato looked around.

"Um... What am I doing here? I was just about to get my daily torture from the Shinigami... not that I'm complaining!" he added quickly, smiling innocently. "I-I'm not a masochist..."

"Sure, you're not." Zeno said in boredom, filing his nails. "Well, I got a request for you to come here, dressed in your underwear."

"That's it?" Minato asked, getting a nod from Zeno. "Well... What now?"

"Go over to Kevin." Zeno said, pointing at the band. "Go over there, and do the chicken dance. Or a jig... It doesn't matter. Just dance."

"Um... I don't wanna." Minato said, scratching the back of his head. "That'd be embarrassing."

"You don't wanna? Well, that's fine." Zeno said with a sweet smile, before reaching under his desk, taking out his shotgun and firing a round at Minato's feet. "I said dance!"

Minato let out an "Eep" and started doing a very strange looking jig, while moving over to Kevin, dancing while doing it.

"Next!" Zeno exclaimed, picking up another letter. "Ooooh, this is a juicy one! By The Elemental Dragon Emperor! However, I think I'll save this one for the next episode." he said, looking towards Naruto, glaring at him. "Naruto-chan has to get ready for his date!"

"Hey, don't look at me!" Naruto said, raising his hands in defense. "It was a dare!"

"Oh yeah..." Zeno said with a sweatdrop. "I think we'll cut it he-" he started, but was interrupted when Genma came running in, throwing seven more letters onto his desk.

"This just came in!"

"Aw, man!" Zeno exclaimed, leaning back in his chair. "This'll never end at this rate! Shit! Well, I'll just reach in and pick one at random, and we'll do the other ones next episode!" he muttered, closing his eyes and digging his hand into the pile of letters. "Oh, this one feels good!"

Zeno opened his eyes and ripped open the envelope. He cleared his throat as he unfolded the letter.

"From... Oh, Kingkakashi, a loyal reader... or... viewer... whatever! He writes:

Well, this should prove an interesting story idea. My request is simple, I can't stand Asuma paired with Kurenai. So I would like to see Kakashi steal Kurenai away from him. I'll leave it up to your excellent imagination how he does it and how huniliating you make it for Asuma. Good luck and thanks!"

Zeno stared at the letter, before nodding.

"Just a single typo. I can, with most certainty, guess that he means humiliating. Thank you, Kingkakashi, for that excellent request, leaving it up to my imagination!" he exclaimed, standing up and bowing to the camera. "I'm glad you read my stories! Now, for this request, we need Kurenai and Asuma!"

With a snap of his fingers, Zeno made Kurenai and Asuma appear, looking puzzled.

"What are we doing here?"

Zeno smirked.

"You'll see." he said and snapped his fingers. Suddenly, Asuma got an evil glint in his eye, and Kurenai suddenly looked scared as Asuma's grip on her tightened. Kakashi shot out of the couch, getting in front of Asuma and pointing at him with a glare.

"You!"

"Haha! You can never take her from me!" Asuma exclaimed with a terrible lip-synch. "She is mine!"

"Oh, Kakashi, save me!" Kurenai exclaimed, her lips also terribly synched, making this look like a terribly dubbed Chinese action movie as fighting music started playing in the background.

"Asuma, your reign of terror is over!" Kakashi exclaimed very quickly, going through several katas, before settling into a stance. "We must Kung-Fu fight!"

"I always knew it would come to this!" Asuma said, pushing Kurenai away as he got into a stance as well. "Come." he said, his lips still moving, even though he'd stopped speaking. "Let us settle this now!"

Kakashi and Asuma flew at each other, Kakashi letting out several high pitched roars as he threw wicked looking kicks at Asuma.

"Kakashi, be careful!" Kurenai exclaimed, playing the part of the damsel in distress perfectly.

"I must finish this quickly!" Kakashi said, blocking a punch from Asuma and cocking his leg back. With a cry of "AIYAAA!!!" he threw his leg up into the crotch of Asuma, making every male in the room wince, while Asuma's voice turned just as high pitched as Kakashi's war cries.

With a terribly synched groan, he fell to the ground, while Kakashi, looking triumphant, stood over him.

"Pwnd." he said calmly as he stepped on Asuma's cigarette, putting it out. He turned around and walked towards Kurenai, who threw herself into his arms.

"Oh, Kakashi, I was so scared!"

"It's alright now." Kakashi said calmly, looking proud of himself. "He will trouble you no more."

The audience started roaring with approval, while credits rolled onto the screen, written in Chinese.

The screen turned black, and Zeno appeared, grinning into the camera.

"I love Bruce Lee! Review, and send me more dares! More will come next episode! Until next time, good night!"

Suddenly, Kakashi came out of nowhere and hit Zeno in the back of the head with a flying spin kick.


	3. Episode 3

"Greeting, everyone, to the third episode of ZnK's Fantabulistic Ask-and-Dare fic!" Zeno exclaimed, sitting alone in the studio, leaning back in his chair. "We still have plenty of dares for you all, but I have a favorite reviewer, who sent in another set of dares for us. The Elemental Dragon Emperor!"

A giant neon sign started blinking above Naruto, with the words 'The Elemental Dragon Emperor' spelled out on it.

"He sent in some juicy dares, which didn't involve Hinata, that much... It seems that Hinata is very popular, doesn't it?"

The audience gave a synchronized nod.

"Well, we'll need to remedy that, and bring the other, hotter, older women into the spotlight, won't we?"

The audience nodded again. Zeno smiled and looked towards the direction of the guest entrance.

"Oh, Hinata! Can you come out here, please?"

Hinata timidly came walking into the studio, poking her fingers together cutely. The crowd let out another synchronized "Awww..."

"Cute..." Zeno muttered, clicking his tongue. "Hinata?"

Hinata looked towards Zeno, blushing slightly.

"Y-Yes?"

"Stand there, please." Zeno said and pointed at a square in front of his desk with the text 'Guest spot' on it. Hinata timidly moved over to the square, looking towards the crowd. "Look at me, Hinata."

Hinata let out an "Eep" and turned to Zeno.

"S-Sorry!"

Zeno clicked his tongue again, narrowing his eyes at Hinata.

"You're so sweet, I wanna puke..." he muttered, before straightening up. "Now, Hinata. Being cute was good and all, but nowadays, most people wanna see the older, hotter women, who don't aim for being cute, but instead aim for being smoking hot. Therefore, you're out."

Hinata's eyes widened.

"O-Out? W-What do y-you mean?"

Zeno smiled as his finger hovered over a button on his desk.

"I mean out, as in, you, like Sakura, will now be out of the show, and you will die a horrible, gruesome death to leave room for the older women."

"W-Wha-"

Hinata got no further, as Zeno pushed the button, and the square she was on revealed itself to be a trapdoor. It opened, and she helplessly plummeted towards the bottom.

"Now, it's a 80 foot drop with spikes at the bottom. Let's see how she reacts..." Zeno said, leaning forward, hearing Hinata scream, before a squishing sound was heard, followed be a scream of pain.

"H-Help me! Help me, please!" came Hinata's pained voice from the pit as the trapdoor closed. Zeno sighed, looking up at the crowd.

"Boy, our viewers are gonna chew us out for that, aren't they?"

Cue synchronized nod.

"Well, we can comfort them with hot ladies like Kurenai, Anko, Hana and Tsume, among others!"

The audience roared with joy.

"Now, we can't do everything The Elemental Dragon Emperor wanted our cast to do, but I've picked out some dares, revolving around our very own Naruto!"

The audience applauded, while Kevin and the band played a tune as Naruto came out, waving happily. As he headed over to sit down in the chair next to Zeno's desk, he made sure not to step on the 'Guest spot.'

Zeno was about to talk to Naruto, when he realized something.

"Hey! Where's our comic relief, the Almost Naked, Dancing Minato?" he asked, getting a synchronized shrug from the audience. Zeno sighed and picked up a walkie-talkie. "Oi, Genma!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Where's Minato?"

"He said he doesn't wanna dance anymore, sir." came Genma's voice, making Zeno's eyes widen.

"What?! Where is he?! I'm gonna shoot him in the ass!"

"He's right here, sir." came Genma's voice through the walkie-talkie, followed by a buzzing sound and a pained scream. "We're giving him some, uh... shock therapy to make him change his mind."

Zeno was quiet for a few second, before nodding.

"Good man. You deserve a raise."

"Thank you, sir."

Zeno put away the walkie-talkie and smiled at Naruto.

"Well, Naruto! You're a very lucky guy!"

Naruto smiled.

"Yeah, I am!" he exclaimed, before blinking. "Wait, how so?"

"Well, all five of the dares I picked out from the ones The Elemental Dragon Emperor, who I will call EDE from now on, because of the dangerously long name, involve you, having sexy time with several of my favorite women."

"W-What?" Naruto asked, going wide eyed. "What do you mean, 'sexy time?'"

Zeno grinned and picked up a note on his desk.

"First dare I picked out from the many EDE sent me: I dare Naruto to have a hot Threeway Makeout with Hana and Tsume." he read, before smirking at Naruto. "You lucky, lucky bastard."

"W-Wha-"

Naruto didn't have time to finish, as Zeno snapped his fingers, and a pair of lust-filled Inuzuka women appeared in front of his chair, staring at him with lustful smiles.

"Naruto, meet Inuzuka Tsume," Zeno said, pointing at the woman with spiky, brown hair, before pointing at the brown haired woman with a ponytail. "and Inuzuka Hana, your new, as they say in Britain, snog-buddies!"

"Snog?" Naruto asked, blinking again. He got his answer when Tsume pounced on him, smashing her lips against his and invading his mouth with her tongue, growling lowly. Before he could even begin to fathom that an incredibly hot woman was kissing him, the other hot woman joined in on the makeout session. However, the force of her pounce tipped the chair, causing all three of them to fall out of view from everyone, save for Zeno, who'd taken out a video camera, and was filming the whole thing.

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Work those tongues..." he murmured, smiling lecherously. "Oh, Naruto, are you just gonna let Tsume play with Hana-chan's tongu- oh, never mind. Hehehe, this is going on Ebay!"

The male portion of the audience let out disappointed groans when they couldn't see what the three were doing.

Zeno, while still pointing the camera at Naruto and his girls, turned away and picked up another note.

"Next dare! I dare Naruto to have a hot makeout with Konan!"

An enthusiastic "YES!" came from the crowd as a black clad, blue haired woman with an origami flower in her hair came rushing over, pouncing on the three making out on the floor.

"Alright..." Zeno mumbled, staring at the four people on the floor, not really able to tell who's tongue was in who's mouth. He picked up another note, a little drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. "Next dare, lucky bastard... I dare Naruto to makeout with all of the Female Cast in Naruto (Friends and Enemies)."

Zeno looked up at the cameras.

"You really love to see me suffer, don't you, EDE?" he asked as the many women of Naruto, save for Hinata and Sakura, swarmed into the studio, pouncing on Naruto, forming a huge pile of horny women, on top of a very lucky Naruto. Zeno sighed. Well, I had two other dares here; I dare Kurenai to give a hot kiss to Naruto, and I dare Naruto to squeeze Tsunade's boobs, but judging from what I'm seeing right now, he's already doing that... Both of those things..."

Zeno sighed, and saw that Genma and Raidou were bringing in Minato, who was looking dazed.

"Oh, how was it?"

"It was a success, sir." Genma said with a smile. "He doesn't have much left up here." he said, poking Minato in the head.

"How are you feeling, Minato?" Naruto asked, and Minato got a dreamy smile on his face as he looked up at the ceiling. He gasped, still smiling.

"A unicorn... So pretty, so sweet..."

Zeno sweatdropped.

"Um... Okay... Can you still dance?"

Minato's eyes widened.

"Did someone say dance?" he asked as he broke down into a chicken dance.

"Good. He can still do it." Zeno said, nodding with approval as he gave Genma and Raidou a thumbs up. Zeno turned to the camera again. "Okay! The next dare is from Ranma Hakubi! I dare Haku to prove his/her/its? Gender! Oh, interesting, indeed! Come on in, Haku!"

Haku came walking in, while Kevin and the band played the Chicken dance song.

"Well, Haku!" Zeno exclaimed. "Since you're here, and not in the SEP, you-"

"SEP?" Haku asked politely, getting a smile from Zeno.

"Sorry, the Spit-Exchange-Pile." he explained, jutting his thumb in the direction of Mt. Woman next to him.

"Ah." Haku said, blinking.

"Now, since you're not in the SEP-" Zeno started, but was once more interrupted as an orange pair of pants went flying by him. He quickly turned to the SEP, and his eyes widened. "Hey! This was just supposed to be a makeout party, not... oh..." he trailed of, tilting his head to the side. "Yugito-chan, I see you're as agile as a cat, too."

Haku cleared his... erm... her... its throat, catching Zeno's attention.

"Oh! Well, since you're not in the SEP, for the third time, you're obviously not a woman. So, you're a man, right?"

Haku scratched its head.

"Well, no."

Everyone, except the SEP, froze, staring at Haku.

"What?"

Haku smiled and dropped its pants, revealing... nothing. There was nothing down there, just smooth skin! He looked like a doll!

"What the hell?!" Zeno exclaimed, shooting back in the chair. "You- Who- What?! What the hell are you?!"

Haku shrugged.

"Kishimoto couldn't decided on a gender for me, so he went with nothing. Personally, I would've gone with making me a herm, but I guess he didn't want to."

"So... You're a Ken doll?" Zeno asked, blinking, getting a nod from Haku.

"Pretty much."

"How's that working out for you?"

"I have trouble peeing." Haku admitted, making Zeno raise an eyebrow.

"How _do_ you pee?"

Haku smiled.

"You don't wanna know."

"Strangely enough, I do..." Zeno muttered, holding his stomach. "But the many possibilities are making me queasy... Yet... I still wanna know..."

"Then... You want me to tell you?"

"No!" Zeno exclaimed, taking out his shotgun, aiming it at Haku's face. "You do that, and you'll take everyone's attention away from the SEP, right there." he said, pointing at the pile of now naked women. "And I will not allow you to take away the lust of my viewers. If you do, you'll join Hinata!"

"Puppy!" Minato exclaimed happily, sitting in front of Kevin, pointing at him.

"Kevin, start playing! We're cutting here!" Zeno shouted, pointing his shotgun at Kevin, who immediately nodded and started playing.

"Review, dare, or ask your favorite Naruto characters whatever you want!" Zeno said, back to videotaping the SEP. Then, he remembered something, and turned back to the camera. "Oh yeah, in case you hadn't noticed, this show is now rated M for Mature."


	4. Episode 4

Zeno was looking bored, reading the many letters on his desk.

"Hm... What's this? I dare Naruto to look into the datasphere... from Owl Eye... Damn, I'm sure that'd be interesting to see, if I knew what the datasphere was..."

He looked up, finding the audience staring at him.

"Oh, we're on? Welcome, everyone, to the fourth episode!"

"Episode!" Minato, sitting by the band, exclaimed, happily oblivious to the world around him.

"Well, I haven't decided on any dares yet, since I'm still going through them." Zeno said and held up a letter. "So, we're gonna let Minato dance a li..." he trailed off, staring at the letter. "Wait, what the hell is this?! Kingkakashi, are you out of your mind?!

So for my next request, I ask that you bring back Hinata and Sakura and make Naruto fight Rock Lee for bringing back to life of one of them. The winner obviously getting a night of passion with their girl(N/H) The other getting to watch the girl they love(sakura) get swallowed up by a Shinigami. And dress Hinata up like Kurenai or Anko and she would be smoking hot too."

Zeno stared at the letter from Kingkakashi for a while, before growling and reaching under his desk, pulling out a huge drum filled to the brim with oil and gas. He carried it over to the 'Guest spot,' after pushing the button on his desk, making the trapdoor open.

"O-Oh, thank Kami! Help me! I'm still alive!" came Hinata's pained voice from the bottom of the pit. Zeno growled and started pouring the oil mixed with gasoline into the pit.

"U-Um, Zeno? What are you doing?" Kevin asked, while Zeno glared at him.

"I'm ending this pointless Hinata crap!" Zeno exclaimed as he threw the drum away, lighting a match. "Say goodbye to Hinata!" he roared, tossing the match into the pit. Soon enough, the even more pained cries of Hinata was heard as the trapdoor closed. "There! And Sakura is already suffering in the stomach of the Shinigami! I gave him her soul in return for Minato."

Genma suddenly came rushing in, carrying a package, which he set down on Zeno's desk.

"What's that?" Zeno asked as Genma read the note on the box.

"It's from a guy called slicerness. It says that it's urgent."

"Is it a bomb?" Zeno asked, walking up to his desk, checking the box.

Genma rolled his eyes.

"You don't have that many enemies, sir..."

"You never know, not after I dropped Hinata into the spike pit." Zeno said, opening the box and taking out a note. He put on his reading glasses. "Let's see here...

Get rid of the shotgun... Kinda cliché. Get a Desert Eagle instead! Or maybe a hand cannon (its a revolver the size of my forearm). Anywho... um, I can't think of anything... Maybe if you change it to a dare/ask fic, then ya, but nothing comes to mind.

Oh, wait(!) I got one. I dare you to use this shiny new desert eagle (golden of coarse), and _try_ to shoot Naruto and see how long it takes for the women to kill you for attempting to take their snuggle fox away."

Zeno looked into the box, and found that, indeed, a shiny, _golden_, Desert Eagle was in the box.

"Oh, wicked!" he exclaimed, picking up the Deagle. "I've always wanted one of these! However, slicerness, this is a show where you can dare the characters to do anything, or you can ask them anything. And I don't wanna shoot Naruto. That'd be... well, suicide. So, to make it up to you for not going through with the dare, I'll do this."

Zeno snapped his fingers, and in a poof of smoke, Orochimaru appeared, looking around wildly.

"W-What?! What am I doing here?!"

Zeno grinned and pointed the gun at Orochimaru.

"You're here for target practice." he said simply and fired, hitting Orochimaru in the balls. Orochimaru fell to the ground with a squeal. Zeno sighed, holstering the Deagle in the back of his pants. "I may not like Sasuke, but I'd do anything to keep him safe from you... You may go."

With another snap of Zeno's fingers, Orochimaru disappeared, and Zeno went to sit behind his desk, clearing his throat.

"Orochimaru, ladies and gentlemen!"

The crowd applauded, while Kevin played a tune on his guitar.

"I'm still keeping the shotgun, though. It's been with me forever, but I'll use the Deagle." Zeno said, picking up another letter. "Let's see here... from LITTLE ALEXANDER UZUMAKI. He writes:

Could you do one about Sasuke being raped by all his fanpeople?"

Zeno looked up at the camera, glaring into it.

"You people are sick! You're sick, twisted and, and, and... just sick!" he exclaimed, before breaking into a grin. "I love it!"

He pushed a button on his desk, and that lovely Jay Leno screen popped up.

"Sasuke, can you hear me?"

The screen flickered to life, showing an orange clad, bald Sasuke.

"What do you want? And why am I here?" Sasuke asked, gesturing for the door-less room he'd suddenly appeared in.

"Well, we got a request involving you."

Sasuke sighed.

"What was the request? It couldn't possibly be anything that can make my life worse than it already is..."

Zeno grinned evilly and snapped his fingers. In a poof of smoke, the Uchiha Sasuke Yaoi Fan-Club, also called the USYFC, appeared in the room with Sasuke, who got wide eyed.

"What?! No, NO!!!"

"Have at him, boys." Zeno said, grinning as the fanboys rushed Sasuke, tearing his orange suit off. Zeno shuddered and turned of the screen, turning to the camera again. "I refuse to give him to his female fangirls, since that would most likely be pleasurable for him."

Zeno clicked his tongue and picked up another letter.

"From ranma hibiki:

I dare Zabuza to get some eyebrows..." he read as his face scrunched up in slight disgust. "What the hell is this?!"

He removed a piece of tape from the letter, with two thick pairs of eyebrows attached to it.

"Where the hell did these come from?" he asked as he looked down at the letter. "Oh... P.S., don't go near Gai for a while... he looks creepy without eyebrows."

Zeno looked up at the camera.

"How the hell did you manage to steal his eyebrows?"

Suddenly, a giant sword was placed at his throat.

"God of this world or not, if you put those eyebrows on me, I'll cut you to pieces." Zabuza growled, glaring at Zeno, who smiled.

"Relax, Zabuza, I would never put these eyebrows on anyone. I'm not that cruel."

Zabuza scoffed and removed the sword, placing it on his back and walking away.

"Wait, Zabuza!" Zeno exclaimed, stopping Zabuza, who turned around.

"What?"

"You have another dare." Zeno said and snapped his fingers, making Zabuza disappear. The screen flickered to life, showing Zabuza, Deidara and Sasori in the same room, a similar room to the one Sasuke was in. Zabuza looked like he was in a trance as he grabbed his sword, holding it into the air.

"Swords are an art!" he exclaimed, making Sasori's and Deidara's eyes widen.

"What?!" they both roared at the same time as they jumped him.

"Ouch!" Zeno exclaimed, staring at the screen as Zabuza did something horrible to Deidara. "I don't think a sword should fit in there..."

Zeno shuddered, before turning the screen off.

"Alright, last dare:

I dare Kabuto to... Oh, this is a good one!" Zeno exclaimed, grinning as he read the dare. He picked up a walkie talkie. "Kabuto! Come in, Kabuto!"

_"Yes, sir?"_ came Kabuto's voice, sounding bored.

"We have finally gotten an opportunity to do a Code 666!"

_"What?!"_ came Kabuto's now excited voice. _"Who's the lucky guy?"_

"Naruto. And you're the one to do it. Bring him up. I'll raise the cage."

_"Yes, sir!"_

Zeno put away the walkie talkie, shaking his head.

"I never thought we'd get to use Code 666." he said as he pushed one of the many buttons on his desk. The floor split as a cage rose into view, holding an agitated looking Yugito.

"I demand that you release me at once!" Yugito shouted as she hissed at Zeno, who just waved her off.

"Don't be like that, Yugito-chan. I heard you were about to go into heat, correct?"

"Yes! That's why you have to release me!" Yugito shouted, getting a grin from Zeno.

"Well, we have a present for you!" Zeno announced as Kabuto appeared from backstage, carrying a tied up and gagged Naruto, covered in catnip.

Yugito froze as she smelled it, staring at Naruto intently. Kabuto headed up a ladder, which appeared out of nowhere, and stood on top of the cage, opening up a hatch.

"Well, have fun, Naruto-kun!" he said, smiling brightly as he dropped Naruto into the cage.

With a loud meowing sound, Yugito pounced on Naruto, tearing off the ropes, along with his clothes.

Zeno chuckled, picking up his video camera again, filming the frustrated feline and her helpless fox.

"I want chicken, I want liver, Meow-mix, Meow-mix, please deliver..." he sang as he giggled pervertedly. "By the way, the first one to guess what movie I'm thinking of when singing this will get to make a guest appearance here next episode!"

As a blanket, with the text 'Makin' kittens' on it, covered the cage, Zeno put away his video camera and picked up another letter.

"From BURNING FLAMES OF YOUTH... He writes:

Hm, I dare Kakashi to wear the wonderful green spandex and start talking about the burning flames of youth!!!!

Then, I want Kakashi, Iruka and Asuma to watch Kurenai make out with Gai!

I want Gai and Lee to shave their heads bald!!!!!"

Zeno stared at the letter, before looking up at a pitiful looking Kakashi in the audience, next to Kurenai, who looked like she was starting to gag.

"No." Zeno said as he ripped the letter apart. "Just... no..." he muttered, shoving the pieces of paper into his mouth. "Thish ish the kind of shtuff that makesh me shad. I mean, don't you shink that two inshane, green clad idiotsh shouting about yoush ish enough?"

He swallowed and picked up another letter.

"Oh, another one from EDE. However, we'll have to do most of this next episode, since every single dare, except one, involves Naruto, and as you know-"

A loud scream of pleasure interrupted him, and he pointed to the cage.

"-he's kinda busy right now. However, the one I can do is this." he continued and snapped his fingers. In a poof of smoke, Kiba appeared, looking clueless.

"Um... What am I doing in the Studio from Hell?" he asked, getting a grin from Zeno.

"Sit down, Kiba." Zeno said, smiling sweetly. With some hesitation, Kiba sat down, while the screen flickered to life. "I want you to see what your mom and sister did with Naruto last episode."

Zeno played the what he'd recorded during the last episode, showing Hana and Tsume in a passionate make out session with Naruto. Kiba paled, staring at the screen.

"W-What the hell?! Naruto!" he roared, trowing himself at the screen. "GET OFF MY FAMILY!"

With a snap of Zeno's fingers, Kiba froze, falling to the ground, stiff as a statue.

"Killing my kickass screen isn't gonna help." Zeno said, kicking the downed Inuzuka.

The screen flickered, showing a guy behind a news desk.

_"This just in! XxSaKuSaSuXx99 reviews: Love it!!_

_Just a few minutes ago, XxSaKuSaSuXx99, the person who inspired Zeno to start the ZnK's Fantabulistic Ask-and-Dare fic, reviewed the show, and sent in dares."_

"Holy shit!" Zeno exclaimed and brought out a pen and paper.

_"She writes as follows:_

_Love it!! Indeed, what the HELL is Haku anyways?! :D_

_And I'm honored to be the person who inspired you to write this :)_

_Dares: (mwahahhaa)_

_Ino: Make out with Chouji (awz)_

_Naruto: tell Kiba what you did with his sister and mother (they were his mother and sister, right?)_

_Anko: Do whatever you want to do to whoever you want to '_

_Kurenai: *grins* What are your future plans with Kakashi/Naruto?_

_Continue, continue, continue :D First chapters were totally awesome!"_

"First chapters were totally awesome! Got it!" Zeno repeated as he wrote it down. "Hehe! XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama reviewed!"

Kiba groaned.

"Oh, there wouldn't really be any point for Naruto to tell you what he did, would there?" Zeno asked, looking down at Kiba.

A triumphant looking Naruto poked his head out from under the 'Makin' kittens' blanket.

"I fucked your sister! And your mother!"

Kiba paled.

"Oh yeah." Zeno said, scratching his head. "The tape just showed that he made out with them. It didn't show specifically what happened when Naruto was in the SEP... Well, there you had it, Kiba. He fucked you sister. And your mother."

Kiba grunted, before disappearing in a poof of smoke.

"Now, Ino!" Zeno exclaimed, and with a poof of smoke, Ino and Chouji appeared in the couch next to the chair. "I have a dare for you, Ino, from XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama."

"Oh?" Ino asked, blinking. "What does she want me to do?"

Zeno grinned.

"She wants you... to make out with Chouji."

Ino screeched.

"N-No way!"

Zeno clicked his tongue, somewhat of a habit of his.

"Well, either that, or you could join Hinata in the Fiery Spike-Pit of Doom! Also called FSPD."

Ino let out an "Eep!" and jumped into Chouji's lap, smashing her lips against his. Luckily, he wasn't eating at the time, otherwise, Ino might have lost her tongue when she rammed it into Chouji's mouth.

"Oh, that's good, Ino. You can stop now." Zeno said, smiling. However, Ino didn't stop. She let out a light moan as Chouji wrapped his arms around her. Zeno sweatdropped. "Alright... Continue then..." he muttered and snapped his fingers, making the two disappear, while someone else appeared in the chair next to his desk.

Anko looked puzzled, a dango stick hanging from her mouth.

"What the hell?"

"You're lucky, Anko-chan." Zeno said, grinning. "XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama wrote this: Anko: Do whatever you want to do to whoever you want."

Anko's eyes widened.

"What?! Really?!"

"Yes." Zeno said with a nod as he raised his hand. "I'm pretty sure you'd like to kill Orochimaru right now, so I'll just..." he trailed off, finding that Anko was no longer in her seat.

"Kitsune-kun!"

He looked towards the cage to find Anko crawling in under the 'Makin' kittens' blanket and crawling up on the cage to get in.

"Lucky son of a..." Zeno muttered, growling. "Now, Kurenai!" he shouted, looking up into the audience. "Come down here at once!"

Kurenai jumped slightly and rushed onto the stage, sitting down in the chair.

"Yes?"

"XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama asks: What are your future plans with Kakashi/Naruto?" Zeno read off his paper. Kurenai blushed lightly.

"Um... Kakashi is a good friend, but I don't really have any plans with him..." she mumbled, poking her fingers together in a Hinata-like way. Then, she remembered what happened to Hinata, and stopped, though still blushing. "I mean, that was just a dare. However, with Kitsune-kun..."

Here, she turned a red that could rival her eyes. Zeno sighed and pointed at the cage.

"You can join them..."

Kurenai shot out of her chair, rushing to join the 'Makin' kittens' crew.

Zeno sighed again, rubbing his temples.

"What I wouldn't give to be Naruto right now... Well, that's all we had time for right now! I'll see you all next time! Review!" he ordered as he got out of his chair. With a snap of his fingers, a girl with blue eyes, dark brown, almost black hair and glasses appeared.

"W-Wha...?"

"Hyvää iltaa. I think my Finnish may be a bit rusty, but this is the right way to say it, no?" Zeno asked as he slung his arm around her shoulders. "How about joining me for a drink, XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama?"

With that, he lead the dazed looking XxSaKuSaSuXx99 backstage.


	5. Episode 5

Zeno, playing with some papers on his desk, looked into the camera.

"Welcome, all, to the fifth episode of ZnK's Fantabulistic Ask-and-Dare fic! We have a special guest here today, Master Rahl, give him a warm hand!" he announced and snapped his fingers, making a man in a red and black version of Vergil's clothes from DMC 3 appear in the chair next to his desk. "Good evening!"

Master Rahl looked around slightly, before grinning.

"Good evening, Zeno. It's good to be here."

"So, I understand you have some dares for a character, who seems to have been forgotten." Zeno said, getting a nod from Rahl.

"Why yes, yes I do. Though I am a little shocked and saddened that he was forgotten."

"I am ashamed to admit that I had forgotten him, too... We need something to cheer us up. Minato, chicken!" Zeno exclaimed, and Minato broke into the chicken dance.

Master Rahl chuckled slightly.

"Ah... that never ceases to make me laugh, but as I was saying, I have a dare for Sabaku no Gaara."

"Right!" Zeno said and snapped his fingers again, making Gaara appear in front of the desk, looking puzzled. "I love being able to do that!"

"What am I doing here?" Gaara asked in his monotone voice.

Zeno grinned.

"Master Rahl here has some dares for you."

Master Rahl grinned as well.

"That, I do. Gaara, my dare, should you choose to accept, though you don't have a choice, is to use that sand for its intended purpose. To please as many women as possible."

Gaara stared at him blankly.

"You're kidding me, right?" he asked, making Rahl's grin widen.

"Do I look like I'm kidding, Gaara? I mean... you could be a little more appreciative... I'm getting you laid here..."

"Correction, you're getting my sand laid, so technically, you're getting the Shukaku laid..." Gaara muttered and turned to Zeno. "I told you when you called me that I didn't want any part in this..."

Zeno coughed into his hand, letting out a noise that sounded strangely like, "Spike-Pit!"

Gaara's eyes widened.

"Besides... if you do this, you'll see more pussy in this one instant then you ever will for the rest of your life..." Rahl explained, leaning back in his chair.

Gaara pondered for a while, before sending his sand shooting in all directions. At once, several squeaks and moans were heard.

"Hey, Gaara... You missed Hana and Tsume." Zeno said, pointing into the audience, where Hana and Tsume sat. "I can tell via my omnipotence that you missed Kurenai, Anko and Yugito as well."

"I don't want to anger Naruto... He seems to have gotten stronger..." Gaara muttered, getting an understanding nod from Zeno, while Rahl chuckled and pulled out a camera.

"One copy for me, one for the Internet, and... do you want one, Zeno?"

Zeno scoffed, taking out his video camera.

"I already got it covered. Hey, Rahl?"

"Yeah, Zeno?" Rahl asked, setting up his camera on a stand to look at Zeno.

"Can you say... Ebay?" Zeno asked with a grin, while Gaara looked extremely embarrassed. Rahl grinned.

"Why yes, I can. Can you say porn shops?"

Zeno chuckled, while Gaara looked at him pleadingly.

"Can I go home now?"

Rahl turned to Zeno.

"Think this is enough for a new video series? I'm thinking...'Jinchuuriki Gone Wild'"

"Fufufu, good idea!" Zeno exclaimed, putting away his camera. "We could put this together with the tape from the hidden camera I put in the Makin' kittens cage. Now, any more dares, Rahl?"

Rahl grinned again.

"Actually, yes... I want Sasori to do the robot next to Minato doing the chicken dance."

"Ha!" Zeno snapped his fingers, making Sasori, out of his fake body, appear next to Minato, who was still doing the chicken. "Sasori, do the robot!"

"You're kidding, right?" Sasori asked, staring at Zeno incredulously. Zeno just grinned.

"You know, Gaara asked the same thing. And you should know by now that I don't kid." he said and took out his Desert Eagle, aiming it at Sasori's heart. "Now, the robot!"

Sasori's eyes widened as he broke down, doing the robot.

Rahl chuckled, and Zeno gave Sasori a thumbs up.

"Hey, Sasori, you're good at this!"

Sasori flipped him off.

"Can I _please_ go home?" Gaara asked, sighing.

"Rahl?" Zeno asked, getting a nod from Master Rahl.

"Sure... we're done with him... for now..."

"Alright, Gaara, you can leave." Zeno said, and Gaara, looking grateful, left the studio.

"Wonder why he looks so grateful to leave... I would have killed to be him there..." Rahl said, getting a nod from Zeno.

"Same here. Hey, Rahl, look at this." he said and held up a letter. "From Sasuke Rules All of You.

'Yes, I have a request.

Since you've killed Sasuke and his girl Hinata. Could you please have the

entire Akatsuki organization minus Konan gang-rape ZenoNoKyuubi for the next

72hrs since he obviously hates both Sasuke and Hinata, and to be honest he

deserves it!'"

"Wow... he's an idiot... especially since Sasuke isn't dead... well... not yet... he's probably just in a lot of pain, but anyway... I digress... it was Sakura and Hinata that were killed..." Rahl said, shaking his head.

"Yes, and he obviously doesn't realize that _I_ am ZenoNoKyuubi..."

Rahl sighed.

"I wonder about the fate of the world at times. Oh well... can I set the letter on fire? I say we have a bonfire of the bad or stupid suggestions..."

"Well... I was planning on eating it... Junk mail tastes a lot like different kinds of junk food, you know. I mean, that youth letter I got last episode tasted like a hamburger." Zeno said, making Rahl sigh again.

"Ah. Well... you can do that. But I still want a bonfire of _something_... I mean... think of what we could use it for..."

Zeno pointed towards the back.

"We could use old letters I've already read through... though it's not enough to make a bonfire..." he said and tore up the letter, shoving it into his mouth. "Wait, what am I shinking wish?"

Zeno snapped his fingers, causing a bonfire to appear in front of them.

"Shere we go!"

Master Rahl grinned and pulled out marshmallows.

"To bad to have already killed Sakura..."

Zeno took out some junk mail, impaling it on a stick and holding it above the fire.

"Indeed. Her soul is being tortured in the shinigami's stomach now, just like this letter will be in mine!"

Master Rahl chuckled.

"She's in a much more useful place."

"Yup!" Zeno exclaimed and shoved the burning paper into his mouth.

"Shall we move onto the next suggestion?" Rahl asked politely, getting a nod from Zeno, who swallowed.

"Yes! Let's!" he said and dug around in his letter pile, picking one at random. "Here's a letter from EDE!"

"Again?" Rahl asked, getting a nod from Zeno.

"The one I read the last episode, only then, Naruto was too busy to do the dares... Lucky bastard..."

"Ah, I see. Okay."

"'I dare Naruto to give Pein a wedgie

I dare Naruto to sing

I dare Naruto to kick Sasgay (hehehe) in the nads.'" Zeno read and put a hand on his chan. "Hm... I'm gonna let Naruto do the first and the third, but not the second, since I don't want my ears to start bleeding..."

"Agreed." Rahl said quickly.

"Would you do the honors of summoning them?

"Really? Of course I would be honored." Rahl said and focused, summoning a sleepy looking Naruto and an apathetic looking Pein.

"Oh, good job!" Zeno said and gave Rahl a thumbs up.

Rahl grinned.

"Thanks. Wait... why is Naruto so sleepy... he hasn't been bugged in a while..."

"No more..." Naruto muttered, making Zeno raise an eyebrow.

"Naruto, you okay there?"

"Horny dogs... Felines in heat... Snakes... so many snakes..." Naruto mumbled, looking like a zombie.

"Wow... kinky..." Rahl muttered, blinking.

"Um... Anyway, Naruto, you have a few more dares." Zeno said, making Naruto sigh.

"EDE again?"

"He really likes you."

"What's the dare?"

"Give Pein here... a wedgie!"

"Um... Alright..." Naruto said and turned to Pein. "Pein, take off your coat so I can do this properly, and then go to sleep..."

"No. For such an act to be performed on a god would be unthinkable." Pein said in monotone, getting a small grin from Zeno.

"Um, Pein... Maybe you should take a look at where you're standing before you say something like that." he said and pointed down at the 'Guest spot,' on which Pein was standing.

"I am a god." Pein said simply, making Zeno chuckle.

"Pein, Pein, Pein... You don't seem to realize that, in this studio, _I_ am God." he said and snapped his fingers, making Pein's cloak vanish, while his body froze, also rendering him unable to use chakra. "I thought that, after everything that's been going on here, you'd realized that."

"This shouldn't be possible. I am a god..." Pein muttered, making Zeno sigh.

"Blah, blah, blah. We know that by know. Shut up. Naruto, go ahead."

"Okay!" Naruto exclaimed and reached into the back of Pein's pants, giving him a Kyuubi-powered wedgie.

Pein struggled not to scream, but then gave in and released a very high pitched scream.

"No one, no matter how cold, or tolerant to pain, can resist screaming under the power of a wedgie. Or, at least, a Kyuubi-powered one." Zeno said, getting a nod from Rahl.

"Very true, Zeno. I would hate to be him right now."

"Hey, Rahl, could you do me a favor?" Zeno asked, turning to his special guest.

"Sure, Zeno."

Zeno pointed at a big, red button with the letter P on it, attached to his desk.

"Push this button, please." he said, smiling sweetly, while Rahl looked at him cautiously.

"Why?"

Zeno waved him off.

"Relax. Nothing will happen to you. You're my special guest, after all." he said, and Rahl sighed, pushing the button. The 'Guest spot' opened up, sending Pein falling into the Spike-Pit.

"Excellent work, my friend!" Zeno praised, making Rahl grin.

"Much better then I thought that would be."

"Yes, I was thinking of firing him out of the canon, but-" Zeno interrupted himself as Pein's agonized screams were heard, and the trapdoor closed. "-Jango has today off, so it can't be fired."

"Ah. You know... we had a bonfire for a reason..." Rahl said, pointing at the bonfire a few feet away from the 'Guest spot,' only for Zeno to glare at him.

"We do not cook people on the bonfire, Rahl. The bonfire is for cooking delicious junk mail!"

"But... the screams..." Rahl muttered, sighing. "Can I at least throw his coat in there?"

Zeno shrugged, and Rahl threw the coat into the bonfire, staring at it.

"Well... that was less fun then I thought it would be..."

Zeno didn't really listen, salivating slightly.

"I wonder what it tastes like..."

Master Rahl sighed.

"Will you eat anything?"

"Anything but feces, and some other stuff." Zeno said, nodding.

"Ah, okay..."

Zeno picked up a spoon, and started chewing on it. Rahl shook his head.

"Shall we move on then?"

"Hm? Oh, the dares! Right, right... Hm..." Zeno hummed and started checking through letters. "Not this one... No... Oh, here's one!" he said and held up a letter. "This is pretty good... Oh, EDE again... We should save him for later, no?"

"Yeah. Odds are its for Naruto... and he looks dead on his feet..."

Zeno didn't listen, digging through letters again.

"Oh! Here's another letter from XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama!"

"Really?" Rahl asked, getting a nod from Zeno.

"She writes:

'Sasuke & Anko: Hurt Orochimaru as badly as you can without killing him (his suffering must continue, lol)

Itachi: (Akatsuki can be dared too, right?) Join to the chicken dance with Minato

Ino: Admit that you like Chouji more than Sasuke (and make out with him again...)

Kurenai: It would be too hard for you to stay away from Naruto, huh? *smirks*

Then, go and get him!' Interesting..."

"Aye. It is."

"Which one first?" Zeno asked, and Rahl put his hand on his chin.

"I'm more in the mood for torture then the mindless fucking that would ensue from the other two..."

"Well, there's always the chicken dance with Itachi. Don't forget about that."

Master Rahl nodded.

"True... that would be funny... let's do that."

"Indeed!" Zeno exclaimed and snapped his fingers, making Itachi appear.

Itachi's eyes widened when he saw Rahl and Zeno.

"Oh, dear Amaterasu... My nightmares have become reality." he muttered, getting a slight chuckle from Rahl.

"Poor bastard... I actually don't think he's half bad... too bad... viewer request..."

"Indeed." Zeno said, nodding, before smiling at Itachi. "Don't worry, Itachi. It won't be that bad."

Itachi blinked.

"It won't?"

"Of course not! You just have to go over there and do the chicken with Minato." Zeno said, pointing towards the band.

"That's it?" Itachi asked, to which Zeno nodded.

"That's it."

Itachi walked over to Minato, dancing while walking.

"We got off pretty easy, didn't we?" Sasori, still doing he robot, asked Itachi, who didn't even look at him.

"Shut up and dance."

Master Rahl chuckled.

"We could get Konan and Nagato to sing Barbie Girl..."

Zeno guffawed.

"Hahaha! That'd be something! But we need to do the dare first. Anko, Sasuke!" he exclaimed and snapped his fingers, making a limping Sasuke and a satisfied looking Anko appear. "So, Sasuke, how was your fan boys?"

Sasuke just glared, making Rahl chuckle.

"You have some stuff around your mouth... might wanna get that..."

Sasuke furiously wiped his mouth and wheezes when he spoke.

"You have no idea what I've been through!"

"You were gangraped by guys." Zeno said with a shrug, only getting another glare from Sasuke.

"It could have been worse you know." Rahl said, chuckling.

"How could it have been worse?" Sasuke wheezed, directing his glare at Rahl.

"They could have been fat and been hung like small horses."

Sasuke shuddered.

"Some were..."

"But not all of them. Be grateful for that."

"Well, I've got something to comfort you. Anko, Sasuke," Zeno said and snapped his fingers, causing Orochimaru to appear, tied to a chair. "you may do anything you like with him."

Sasuke smirked weakly, while Anko jumped up and down excitedly.

"Sweet!"

"I wonder what they'll do." he asked, getting a shrug from Zeno, just as Orochimaru's scream was heard as Anko shoved a pineapple up his ass.

"Ouch. That couldn't have felt good." Rahl said, wincing. His head is so far up there I wonder how she fit the pineapple..."

Zeno tilted his head to the side.

"Even if he is agile like a snake, he shouldn't be able to bend that way..."

"You sure? When I said his head has been so far up his ass... I didn't mean metaphorically..."

"I know." Zeno said, pointing at Orochimaru, whose head was shoved up his own ass. "And he shouldn't be bendy enough to have his own head shoved up his ass... It's not physically possible..."

"Have you seen what he can do with that neck?" Rahl asked, looking slightly disgusted. "It stretches to almost triple his body length... and the bending is freaking you out?"

"His neck can bend freakishly, yes, but look at his back! I'm pretty sure it's broken in three-" A loud, snapping sound was heard. "-four places!"

Master Rahl chuckled.

"Oh... that... still... it doesn't really bother me... the man can shed his skin..."

A ripping sound was heard, and Zeno looked disgusted.

"He would... if he had any skin left..."

Master Rahl looked at Zeno.

"Are you getting this on tape?"

Zeno pointed towards the roof, where a video camera was recording everything.

"You think I'd miss getting this on tape?"

"Good. I would have hated to not see this again and again when I'm bored. We need popcorn..." Rahl muttered, resting his chin against his fist.

Zeno snapped his fingers, making a box of popcorn appear in Rahl's lap, while more junk mail appears in front of him.

Master Rahl ate the popcorn slowly, transfixed on the torture scene.

"While this is going on, let's move over to our next dare!" Zeno announced, getting a nod from Rahl.

"Aye."

"Ino!"

Ino came rushing down from the audience.

"Yes?"

"Ino, you have been dared to admit to Chouji that you like him more than Sasuke. And make out with him again."

Ino nodded excitedly.

"Okay!" she exclaimed and rushed into the audience again, sitting down in Chouji's lap. "I love you, Chouji-kun, more than I could ever love Sasuke!"

With that, she kissed a shocked Chouji.

Master Rahl chuckled, somewhat of a habit of his.

"Ah, teen love. They say it never lasts..."

"I bet you this delicious junk mail that it'll last for three more days." Zeno said and held up a letter.

"I'll take that bet."

"What do you bet?"

Rahl put a hand on his chin.

"Hm... I don't know... Anything in particular you want? Besides my anal virginity...unlike Sasuke I've done a good job of keeping it."

Zeno flipped him off, making him chuckle again.

"I want junk mail"

"More?" Zeno asked, getting a nod from Zeno. "Okay..."

Now, it was Zeno's turn to chuckle.

"Don't mess with the god of this studio." he said and snapped his fingers. Ino screamed and slapped Chouji, before rushing away.

"That's cheating." Rahl said, getting a shrug from Zeno.

"That's life." he said and held out his hand. "Give me my price."

Master Rahl reached into his coat and pulled out some junk mail, holding it out. "There."

Zeno snatched the junk mail out of Rahl's hand, ripping it apart and shoving it into his mouth.

"Mmm, thish ish good shtuff!"

"Got anymore dares?" Rahl asked, getting a nod from Zeno, who swallowed.

"I've got a letter from slicerness, the one who gave me my shiny new Deagle. I don't wanna ask Kurenai what XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama asked, since Naruto seems a little drained. slicerness writes:

'...awesome... i should have said make oro-chan try to kill him. that would of went over so much better.

alright this is kinda odd but ive been playin some final fantasy recently and i would like to see who of the naruto crew can pick up clouds buster sword, or guts sword from berzerk (great show btw) they'll probably get a hernia trying. then again they have chakra to help...

so actually i dare the naru crew to try to wield the buster sword/ whatever gut's sword is called WITHOUT chakra.

do u and XxSaKuSaSuXx99 know eachother in real life or are u just a big fan?

c ya'

Hm, we just started to get to know each other. It's just that she was the one who inspired me to start this."

Master Rahl grinned slyly.

"Aw...does Zeno have a crush?"

Zeno flipped him off.

"Anyway, the swords!" he announced and snapped his fingers, making the Buster Sword and the Dragonslayer sword appear on the floor. "However, we can't have everyone try to lift them, so I'll let Rahl decide who does it!"

"I say... Zabuza, Kisame, Naruto, Gaara, Tsunade, Gamabunta and that strange monkey thing from the filler episode..."

"Gamabunta won't fit in here, and he could easily lift it. Though, I don't see why you'd let Tsunade try..." Zeno muttered, getting a grin from Rahl.

"Because..." he mumbled and leaned in, whispering something in Zeno's ear. Soon, a perverted grin appeared on Zeno's face.

"Fufufu... I like that! But I can't remember the monkey thing..."

"Neither can I... pity... oh well... no monkey then..." Rahl said, shrugging.

"Agreed. Right! Everybody!"

Zeno snapped his fingers, and before mentioned Naruto characters appeared, looking around.

"Oh, Kami! It's our turn!" he exclaimed, getting a distraught look from Naruto.

"Again!"

"Its not that bad..." Rahl said with a chuckle, to which Zeno nodded.

"All you guys have to do is lift those swords without the use of chakra. Tsunade, you're up first!"

Master Rahl discretely grabbed a camera as Tsunade walked over to the swords.

"Alright." she said and bent over to pick up the Buster Sword.

Zeno leaned forward in his chair.

"Here we go..."

Tsunade attempted to lift the sword, only for her breasts to pop out of her shirt when she used too much force.

Zeno's nose started bleeding.

"Jackpot!"

Jiraiya, in the audience, shot up his hands in triumph.

"YES!!"

Master Rahl quickly snapped pictures, while Kisame, Zabuza, Gaara and Naruto got major nosebleeds.

"Excellent job, Tsunade!" Zeno exclaimed as he clapped. "You may leave now!"

Tsunade quickly left the studio, blushing madly.

"Alright, everyone, grab a sword! Kisame and Zabuza, you're up first!"

Kisame and Zabuza nodded at Zeno, easily lifting the swords.

"Well, being swordsmen wielding huge swords, that's not much of a surprise, I guess..." Zeno mumbled, getting a nod from Rahl.

"True. That was expected... now, let's see how the others do..."

"Wow, that's it?" Kisame asked, amazed.

"Yeah, that was easy." Zabuza agreed, getting a chuckle from Zeno.

"Oh, you want something else, huh?" he asked and snapped his fingers, setting both swordsmen on fire.

Kisame and Zabuza screamed in agony as they rushed off stage.

Master Rahl chuckled.

"Well... that sucks... for them, anyway..."

"Now, Naruto and Gaara, you try it." Zeno said, and Naruto nodded.

"Fine..." he muttered and tried to lift the Dragonslayer, but failed miserably. "Alright! One more try!"

A terrible crack is heard from his back as he tried to lift the sword a second time.

"Oh, god!" he screamed, falling to the ground. "Medic!"

"I could never lift it. It'd be pointless." Gaara said, getting a sigh from Zeno.

"You're very boring, Gaara..."

Gaara just scoffed and walked off stage.

"Well, that's all for now, I guess. Thanks for coming, Rahl!" Zeno said, patting Rahl on the back.

"For the love of Kami, help me!" the helpless Naruto exclaimed, writhing in pain on the ground.

Anko walked up to Naruto.

"I'll help you, Kitsune-kun!"

"Oh, god..." Naruto muttered as Anko grabbed him, before disappearing with a swirl of leaves.

"Well... it was wonderful being here..." Rahl said with a chuckle. "and getting to tape so very nice things..."

"I know. Well, for now, this is Zeno and Rahl, signing off! Review, and have a great evening!" Zeno exclaimed, while Rahl waved.

"Good night, everybody!"

As the cameras turned off, and the audience had left, Rahl sighed, while Zeno was shoveling junk mail into his mouth.

"That was... tiresome..." Rahl said, getting a nod from Zeno.

"Now you know what it'sh like for me every night." Zeno said and swallowed. "You did good, though."

"Thanks."

Zeno got out of his chair, stretching.

"Well, I'm gonna go to the bar and grab a beer. Wanna join me?"

Rahl shrugged, getting up.

"I've got nothing better to do."

With a snap of Zeno's fingers, the two disappeared.


End file.
